These Words shared by A Parent Which Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a wider failure to open up between men, who often internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."